A couple of things: personally, I don't think the 'new' car scene works as well as the previous version - or rather now you're in a half-way place; you've made the car scene more ambitious and complex, but the sequence isn't quite right to create the sense of peril: so, you need to build it up a bit more like this:
1) We see man on his phone step into road (on soundtrack we hear the sound of tyres squealing as if a car we can't yet see has turned quickly into the road) 2) We now see the car; it's going very fast. 3) We cut back to the man looking at his phone walking across the road... 4) We cut back to the car.. the engine sound is louder and louder... 5) We cut back to the man 6) We cut back the car; a close-up perhaps of the car grille, tyres turning etc. 7) We now see the man in the road, the car bearing down upon him... 8) And then - whoosh - man is swept from road by hero and deposited back on pavement.
The reason why I don't think your hero should pick up the car, is that it doesn't hold anything back for when he tackles the plane...
Another observation: I don't think, post-plane rescue, that we should see the hero taking a bow - it's better that he just assumes his hero pose, only to realise that no one cares. When he bows, I sort of like him a little bit less, because he suddenly seems like he *craves* attention.
In terms of the transition into the plane scene, I still reckon it's not quite there, because you appear to show the plane getting into trouble too soon, so when he first sees it above him: I think it should go something like this:
1) After hero saves man from road - and is ignored - he's on the pavement looking frustrated; we hear the distant sound of a 747. Hero looks up: 2) POV shot of plane above him; camera tracks towards plane slightly; on soundtrack we begin to hear the SFX of the plane cockpit before we see it. 3) Cockpit of plane / captain is on his phone. 4) Controls - we see an altitude warning light come on etc. 5) Back to Captain on phone. 6) Back to Controls - more lights are on; things are bleeping 7) Cut to close exterior shot of plane, as nose of plane begins to dip 8) Cut back to Hero's POV view of plane as we see it dip more dramatically 9) Cut back to shot of Hero and his realisation of what's happening - and on it goes...
A small note: you've spelled 'Unappreciated' wrong in your post title - and more importantly, you need a better title for your film - thinking caps on everyone!
Hey Tom,
ReplyDeleteA couple of things: personally, I don't think the 'new' car scene works as well as the previous version - or rather now you're in a half-way place; you've made the car scene more ambitious and complex, but the sequence isn't quite right to create the sense of peril: so, you need to build it up a bit more like this:
1) We see man on his phone step into road (on soundtrack we hear the sound of tyres squealing as if a car we can't yet see has turned quickly into the road)
2) We now see the car; it's going very fast.
3) We cut back to the man looking at his phone walking across the road...
4) We cut back to the car.. the engine sound is louder and louder...
5) We cut back to the man
6) We cut back the car; a close-up perhaps of the car grille, tyres turning etc.
7) We now see the man in the road, the car bearing down upon him...
8) And then - whoosh - man is swept from road by hero and deposited back on pavement.
The reason why I don't think your hero should pick up the car, is that it doesn't hold anything back for when he tackles the plane...
Another observation: I don't think, post-plane rescue, that we should see the hero taking a bow - it's better that he just assumes his hero pose, only to realise that no one cares. When he bows, I sort of like him a little bit less, because he suddenly seems like he *craves* attention.
In terms of the transition into the plane scene, I still reckon it's not quite there, because you appear to show the plane getting into trouble too soon, so when he first sees it above him: I think it should go something like this:
1) After hero saves man from road - and is ignored - he's on the pavement looking frustrated; we hear the distant sound of a 747. Hero looks up:
2) POV shot of plane above him; camera tracks towards plane slightly; on soundtrack we begin to hear the SFX of the plane cockpit before we see it.
3) Cockpit of plane / captain is on his phone.
4) Controls - we see an altitude warning light come on etc.
5) Back to Captain on phone.
6) Back to Controls - more lights are on; things are bleeping
7) Cut to close exterior shot of plane, as nose of plane begins to dip
8) Cut back to Hero's POV view of plane as we see it dip more dramatically
9) Cut back to shot of Hero and his realisation of what's happening - and on it goes...
A small note: you've spelled 'Unappreciated' wrong in your post title - and more importantly, you need a better title for your film - thinking caps on everyone!